Dear Sweet, Nearly Four Year Old, Little Girl In Our Care,
I got a call from our Foster Family Agency (FFA) on January 22, while I was at work, at around 2pm. They called to see if we could temporarily provide a home for a 3 year old girl (you!) while they looked for another home to house you, and your two older sisters. I only thought about it momentarily before I called daddy, excited at the opportunity to have another little girl join our 5 year old little girl living under our roof. He also thought we were ready to add to our family, if even just temporarily.
I called our FFA back at 3pm and at 8pm, you were at our house! You had two pigtails and you walked through our door, a little timid, but with a huge smile on your face. We asked you if we could give you a hug. You nodded yes and me and your five year old foster sister gave you a big hug. We were so excited to meet you. You two played together in the playroom and watched the new movie remake of, “Annie,” which you already had seen and loved.
The past two months have been wonderful having you in our home. You and your sister have had a lot of colds, but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t manage. You’ve met a lot of our family and friends and you are so loved by everyone.
About a month ago, you started having court mandated visits with your birth mom and your little brother. After these visits with your mom, you both act a bit mad and sad, which makes perfect sense. It must be so hard for you both to try to understand this new reality of not living with your biological family, but getting to see them every so often. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but I am so thankful I get to be the one who helps you cope with your anger and will continue to show you that I will be there to love you no matter what.
Last week I learned there is a possibility that you and your siblings will be moving to a relatives home. This relative has an adult son living with her that has to be approved, so it doesn’t look like you will be going there anytime soon, if ever, but it is something that is in the back of my mind. Knowing you might have to move again, to a third home since being removed from the only life you knew breaks my heart for me of course, but it really hurts me for you. You have finally seemed to be adjusting to life with us. You love going to school three times a week and whenever your foster sister isn’t around, you are always anxious to be with her. I love that you are bonding, to her, and to us.
Today when you had a hard time going down for your afternoon nap, I put daddy on the phone and he almost instantly calmed you down. I don’t know why or how, but you went right to sleep after you talked to him and that absolutely warmed my heart.
I just learned that your alleged biological father went into the DCFS office to talk to your social worker. He says he has full legal custody of you, but if that’s the case, where has he been your entire life? Why have you never spoken about him? I wonder if you even know him and I wonder why he is coming forward now, especially if he’s never before been in your life.
The most crazy thing about your entire situation as a foster child is how many people are working on following the law trying to help you, and how rarely those people are on the same page about what they feel is best for you and your future. Your DCFS social worker, who is not even two years out of college, is doing everything she can to reunite you with this person who wants you all to live with her. I wonder if this alleged relative of yours can afford the $3000 dental work you need to have done because your teeth were not taken care of your entire life before us. I wonder if she can handle the immense responsibility of having four children to take care of, four children to get bathed and dressed every night and fed and dressed and taken to school every morning. I wonder how you will be with all of this, immediately and for the rest of your life.
For now, I must go to work and organize someone else’s life. I am thankful for being able to be paid to organize and make sense out of a mess. All I want is to be able to do that for your life, make sense of the giant mess. For now, I will have to keep worrying about your very uncertain future. However temporary your placement may be with us, my love and concern for you and your foster sister is everlasting.